Playground Politics
by mei-san
Summary: Tease the one you love. "I hate you." "Likewise." One shot fluffy DracoHermione.


"Out of my way, mudblood!" he snarled.  
  
"Why should I move, Ferret? I was here first anyway," she sneered back at him.  
  
"Is the fact that you're contaminating the environment by breathing muddy air into it enough motivation?" he tapped his chin in mock thought.  
  
"Oh up yours Malfoy, if it can fit up there with all of the erm. 'broomsticks' shoved up already," she snickered quietly into her sleeve as she stage whispered the last half of her comment.  
  
"Was that just a slur on my heterosexuality?" he inquired, rather offended.  
  
"I wasn't aware that a slur needed to be made. It seems rather obvious to me. Prancing around with that I'm-so-pretty expression on your face all the time, having Crabbe and Goyle near you at all times, how could I not notice, you poncey git?" she smirked.  
  
"Well, Granger, even if I do bat for the other team- which, by the way, I most assuredly do not- at least I have the presence of mind to pick masculine looking men, rather than those girly-men you seem to have following you around 24/7," he smirked right back at her.  
  
"Malfoy! You know that Harry and Ron and I don't have anything going on between us. They're a little bit wrapped up in each other. Say. they've been looking for someone to join their little threesomes, shall I give them your owl's name?" she slyly glanced up at him.  
  
"How revolting! I can safely say that the mental images created by that proposal are enough to scar me for life," his expression quite clearly communicated the disgust that he felt for her remark.  
  
"Oh come on, you know you want it," she shot sardonically from the side of her mouth.  
  
"If you want to watch my beautiful blonde body in action- because everyone knows that you view all of the Pothead's and the Weasel's trysts- you could just ask," he took a deep breath in to make his chest appear larger and more developed.  
  
"Malfoy, why would I ever want to see you naked? You're a skinny, pale, little git who probably has balls so droopy that you could tuck them into your socks. Do your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro." she began to warble.  
  
"So, you're admitting that my bits are so big that they could touch the ground? Why, Granger! I'm flattered. I had no idea that you fantasized about my bits like that," he faked embarrassment, covering his mouth with a strong looking hand.  
  
"Well, Malfoy. If you stopped wearing those damn tight trousers- which I have on good authority only gay men wear- then I wouldn't have to notice your droopys at all!" she shook her head in disapproval.  
  
"So you've been looking then, Granger? I knew that they would entice you," he grinned and flexed his biceps, trying to look buff.  
  
"Aha! So you admit that you dress to entice me?" she caught on rather quickly.  
  
"No. I dress to please myself. If half of the population is enticed by me looking good, well then, I suppose I just have to live with the consequences," he put what he must have thought a modest expression on his face.  
  
"Oh puh-leese, Malfoy. How you even manage to get into the Great hall with that head in the morning is beyond me," she scoffed.  
  
"Only the best have the biggest. Besides, why do you automatically assume that only gay men wear tight trousers? It's not true you know," he asked defensively.  
  
"Well Malfoy, it seems quite simple to me. Let me see if your puny brain can grasp this concept. You may be conscious of the fact that you are gay, or it may be an unconscious urge, however in wearing tight, confining trousers, you are essentially displaying your disregard for ehrm.. 'the family jewels' so to speak, thus displaying no will to have children, and because gay men cannot have children, because of obvious biological incapability, and so I deduce that you must be gay."  
  
"Now that you've finished writing your doctorate thesis about how trousers determine sexual orientation, perhaps we can move on," he smirked at her.  
  
"Yes Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, I'm rather hoping that you both will move on, so that I can get into my Potions classroom," Snape's voice came from behind them.  
  
"By all means, Professor Snape. I'm sorry I wasted your time by trying to educate a mud- erm.. muggleborn, in the art of debate," Draco drawled oily.  
  
"Yes, Professor Snape. I'm sorry I wasted your time by listening to Mr. Malfoy's poor attempts at rhetoric," Hermione bowed her head in mock sorrow.  
  
"Be seated!" Snape roared, tired of the appearance of young hijinks.  
  
The class droned on, covering a potion that Hermione had single-handedly made in her second year. Too bad that it was now her 6th year, but never mind that.  
  
Suddenly a balled up piece of parchment appeared on her desk. She twigged the corner of it, glancing carefully at Snape from the corner of her eye. He had a tendency to read notes aloud, if he caught them being passed.  
  
She unwrapped it slowly; however the crinkling noise was quite audible over the drone of Snape's voice and everyone else's silences.  
  
"Miss Granger, care to share the contents of that parchment with us?" Snape questioned. He strode over to her, capes billowing, and snatched the parchment off of her desk.  
  
He read it: I hate you. Do you hate me too? Care to meet me in the Astronomy Tower Tonight? ~D.M.  
  
and a frown creased his forehead. He smoothed it out and asked, "Well, are you planning to accept the invitation or not?"  
  
Hermione was shocked and embarrassed. It was probably Malfoy, attempting to carry on their earlier verbal feud. It was probably an insulting offer too.  
  
They carried on in Potions. She worked with Neville as usual and had managed to save him from exploding any cauldrons or doing any of the other disastrous things that oft took place when he was in the room.  
  
She rushed out the door at the end of class. She couldn't wait to get to the Great Hall for lunch. All of the worrying about what exactly Draco had written in that note was getting to her stomach.  
  
"Hey! Wait a bit!" Ron yelled after her.  
  
"Oy Hermione! Where are you going?" Harry tried again as she rounded the corner in the corridor.  
  
When she didn't turn, they glanced at each other, shrugged and linked arms, strolling in the direction of the Great Hall.  
  
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy was tearing towards the Great Hall. He doubted that he had ever been so hungry in his life- even that time his father had locked him in his room without supper.  
  
He was awfully anxious about what Her- Granger had thought about his note. He was also rather embarrassed that Snape had read what he had written. Ah well, he hoped that Snape didn't understand the code.  
  
Hermione rounded the final corner to the Great Hall like a thoroughbred finishing first in the Kentucky Derby just as Draco tore around the opposite corner. Predictably, they collided in front of the doors.  
  
"You raving lunatic! What is your problem?" Hermione bellowed.  
  
"What is MY problem? You're clearly the one with the problem. Don't you know that people could be injured with you running around at top speed?" Draco roared back at her, rather pejoratively.  
  
"I hate to point out the obvious, Malfoy," Hermione shrieked, obviously taking pleasure from doing so, "but you were running even faster than me, because I left the classroom first."  
  
"Just- Just- Just. Shut up just you, Granger! You- you- you up shut!" Draco was so consumed by his rage that he couldn't even form a grammatically correct sentence. His face was turning purple.  
  
"If-if-if that's you what want! Happy to I'll be! I'll happy be to! Dammit- I'll be happy to!" Hermione was a rather unflattering shade of vermillion and had found herself struck with rather the same condition.  
  
"I hate you!" Draco screeched.  
  
"Well, likewise!" Hermione hollered.  
  
"Boy, oh boy do they have some unresolved sexual tension," Ron remarked, arriving on the scene, Harry in tow.  
  
"Let's go finish this somewhere! Come on Malfoy! You wanna take this outside?" Hermione took a pose that she must have thought was a threatening fighting Jacky-Chan-esque kung fu position.  
  
"Fine!" Draco responded, taking it seriously, although the whole Great Hall was in tears from laughing so hard at Hermione's inadvertent Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon mock.  
  
They both stalked outside, Hermione's legs doing double time to keep up with Draco's longer ones.  
  
"We're going to finish this once and for all!" Draco intoned as they strode towards the lake.  
  
"You're exactly right for once, Malfoy! Only one of us will be going back into that Great Hall. You will be slinking back into your little Slytherin den, tail between your legs," she laughed menacingly.  
  
"Yeah? Well, this town ain't big enough for the both of us!" Draco- who had never seen a muggle western movie- put on a rather good imitation of a Clint Eastwood movie.  
  
At that moment, they reached the shore of the lake, and struck by the same idea, at exactly the same moment, reached out for each other.  
  
"AAAAAAAAH!" Their screams mingled as they both overbalanced and tumbled into the lake.  
  
Draco, lucky for him, had landed on top of Hermione, and was squashing the breath out of her.  
  
"Could you possibly move, Malfoy? I think I'm dying under here?" Hermione's voice was faint beneath his sweater.  
  
"The point exactly, my dear Granger," Draco drawled with his trademark smirk. "Now beg!"  
  
"Fine, Malfoy. I shall languish here. I will never beg anything from you." And with a swoon, she stopped her struggling.  
  
"Granger?" he asked, after about five minutes had passed and she hadn't made any noises. "Granger? Are you okay?" he moved off of her body.  
  
She felt it the second he released his guard, and she shot up, the crown of her head catching just under his chin.  
  
"Dammit Granger! That really hurt!" he sat on the bank and rubbed his chin, in some obvious discomfort.  
  
"Oh, poor baby. Did the little mudblood hurt you? Do you need me to kiss it better? Buh buh buh," she talked baby talk to him.  
  
"Yes actually," he said without thinking. "I mean.. what? Look it's a ring- necked bobtailed snicker-snacker!" he pointed over her shoulder in hopes of a diversion.  
  
Before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the chin. He slid his chin down and pulled her onto his knees so they were kissing full on. God, it was good.  
  
After a couple of minutes, Hermione realized that this could not look good to the invariable crowd at the windows of the Great Hall. She bit his lip sharply, and started to run.  
  
"Come on Malfoy! You think you can catch me? Well kiss this!" she kissed her hand and slapped it on her butt, running off in a fit of giggles.  
  
Draco sat there for a few seconds, stunned. He suddenly realized that she was taunting him and started to chase after her, flinging mud and reeds from the lake shore.  
  
"Ah, young love," Harry sighed at Ron, inside the safety of the Great Hall, where flying bulrushes never ventured.  
  
"I'm just glad that they made up again. I was getting a bit tired of hanging about with 'Mione late at night, when we could have been doing far more productive things," Ron said, pinching Harry's butt sharply.  
  
"It really is rather sweet," Harry grinned sappily at the couple running around on the front lawn.  
  
All of a sudden, Draco gave a flying leap and tackled Hermione. "Did you think that you could really win this, wench?" he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder in a fireman's hold and walked back into the castle holding her there, despite her desperate kicking and scratching.  
  
"This round goes to Draco, although Hermione had a couple of great sneak tactics in there at the end," Lee Jordan announced.  
  
The Slytherins all cheered and the rest of the crowd booed good- naturedly.  
  
"We will now return to our regularly scheduled mealtimes," Lee sat down and dug into the mashed potatoes, roast beef and a cold glass of pumpkin juice.  
  
Announcing these sessions always taxed his throat, it was hard to be heard over their yelling sometimes, even with a magically enchanted megaphone.  
  
"I hate you," she murmured into his hair, inhaling the essence that was purely Draco.  
  
"Likewise," his grin lit up the room. 


End file.
